Bread and whine
When I wrote my personal statement for my residency application, I just sat down and jotted down what I was thinking. It went along with what the statement was about. I wrote about how important decisions shouldn't be agonizing, but rather, a natural next step in the smooth flow of life. Or something along those lines. I mentioned the decision to go to medical school, my then recent marriage, and choosing a specialty.
Does it follow, then, that these natural next steps aren't a cause for celebration, because they're so smooth and natural?
When I got the letter that I got into medical school, I was by myself in the mail room at my university. I looked at the letter. Looked around for someone to tell. Then I folded the letter and stuffed it into my bag. My mother brought champagne home that night, but I didn't drink it. And I got annoyed when people congratulated me for it.
(feeling kind of guilty about it, to be quite honest, because I think I was rude to this one very nice guy in the lab, the one who took me out to dinner but whom I didn't like...)
When, at noon on a June morning, I found out I had matched to GI, I was very quiet, and then cried instead of celebrating. Then I told people where I was going with an apologetic explanatory nod.
Finishing residency was anti-climactic too, because I didn't actually get to walk triumphantly out of the hospital for the last time. Instead, I had signed on for another year of sort of being there and sort of not.
Now, after years of unpleasantness, and grueling work, I have finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel. I have gotten an offer and signed it, and it's hovering above the mailbox.
So I'm looking around for people to celebrate with, but it seems I'm alone by that mailbox, just like 11 years ago.
Actually, I didn't even feel like celebrating, because I'm terrified about my inevitable entry into the real world. Not to mention, like I said, it's just an expected transition, natural next step in the process; we always knew I'd be finding a job, and I found one. But everyone kept asking me what I'd be doing to celebrate a such a momentous occasion, so I decided to actually do something, and now I have to undecide it.
Well, at least I celebrated my then recent marriage like it was 1999!
Does it follow, then, that these natural next steps aren't a cause for celebration, because they're so smooth and natural?
When I got the letter that I got into medical school, I was by myself in the mail room at my university. I looked at the letter. Looked around for someone to tell. Then I folded the letter and stuffed it into my bag. My mother brought champagne home that night, but I didn't drink it. And I got annoyed when people congratulated me for it.
(feeling kind of guilty about it, to be quite honest, because I think I was rude to this one very nice guy in the lab, the one who took me out to dinner but whom I didn't like...)
When, at noon on a June morning, I found out I had matched to GI, I was very quiet, and then cried instead of celebrating. Then I told people where I was going with an apologetic explanatory nod.
Finishing residency was anti-climactic too, because I didn't actually get to walk triumphantly out of the hospital for the last time. Instead, I had signed on for another year of sort of being there and sort of not.
Now, after years of unpleasantness, and grueling work, I have finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel. I have gotten an offer and signed it, and it's hovering above the mailbox.
So I'm looking around for people to celebrate with, but it seems I'm alone by that mailbox, just like 11 years ago.
Actually, I didn't even feel like celebrating, because I'm terrified about my inevitable entry into the real world. Not to mention, like I said, it's just an expected transition, natural next step in the process; we always knew I'd be finding a job, and I found one. But everyone kept asking me what I'd be doing to celebrate a such a momentous occasion, so I decided to actually do something, and now I have to undecide it.
Well, at least I celebrated my then recent marriage like it was 1999!
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