Pontificum Scriblerus

Halloween is one of those holidays that has a triple age distribution as far as enjoying the holiday goes. The little kids get the first peak, up until the age of what, 12? Trick or treating, candy, all that. Then, college kids get the second peak, girls dress up slutty, and everyone gets drunk. The third peak comes when you've got little kids of your own, and Halloween becomes a family affair. I was driving today and was surprised to see trick or treaters all over the street - even in my dumpy neighborhood!! I wish I was a little kid who'd dress up.... Or knew someone who had little kids who dress up... Or lived near some kids that dress up... Or had some kids that dress up.... Or got dressed up myself... Instead, I went home and thought of Halloweens of yore. The irony of this picture is, at the time it was taken, I happened to be working at a state institution, running the prison ward. Therefore, my costume is quite true to life - well, except the short shorts and high heele...

Ever since I started working in hospitals, I noted how nurses in places tend to be the same age and have similar names. It's either Cathy (sometimes, Kathy), Donna or Patricia. I always figured, if you stand in the middle of a floor, and say "Cathy!" really loud, 3 nurses will turn around - and probably 1 speech therapist. The other day, I was trying to make my way through the extraordinarily poorly designed and over-crowded nurses' station on the 6th floor, when I found myself blocked by a wall of man: two surgical interns, Ike and Gil, were in my path. They're each about 6 feet 7 inches, hugely muscular (Ike's arm is my thigh, but with muscle), bald, very black, and wearing the same exact blue scrubs and blue surgical caps. Making my way past them, I ended up right between them, and said, "Jeez, you guys are so tall, I'm craning and straining my neck just to look at you!" In my head I thought, "I should make a wish." They answered, al...

Hubby is in distress today - understandably - a close coworker has passed away. He was diagnosed with some sort of tumor, then developed pneumonia, and died very quickly. He probably did everything right: ate the right things, exercised. He worked hard, saving for a happy old age. He was 48 years old. He had little kids. He played golf just last week. On the other hand, here I am, with a service full of people who've done nothing but abuse themselves with alcohol and drugs, but are now priority number 1 for us. I'm not suggesting that there are some who deserve to live more than others. But....

I have no words. http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2008/10/28/uzi_recoils_questions_echo/?rss_id=Boston+Globe+--+Front+Page

I don't know in what sort of left-handed vortex I am trapped, but I definitely think I'm close to the twighlight zone. After morning rounds today, instead of incessant screeching of pleasant alert # 2, I was surrounded by near-deafening silence. I did all my dictations and revisions, and was still bored. My afternoon procedures were canceled, and not a single new cirrhotic showed up today. I took a little desk nap, in the tradition of my research year hiatus. I tinkled around gmail, but my friends have real jobs, so my usual chatting buddies weren't available. My favorite shopping sites are blocked by websense. My mind was starting to get inundated by melancholy thoughts. I actually resorted to reading a text book, but absorbed none of the text. This is so freaking weird, am I gonna get into a car accident on the way home? (spit spit spit, knock knock knock)

Did anyone know this? : Advocates: RI Becoming a Haven for Prostitution Last Edited: Sunday, 26 Oct 2008, 1:08 PM EDT Created: Sunday, 26 Oct 2008, 1:08 PM EDT PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) -- Brothels are booming in Rhode Island. Advocates say the state, one of only two that considers prostitution legal as long as it occurs indoors between consenting adults, is becoming a haven for those forcing women into prostitution. Melanie Shapiro of the Rhode Island Coalition Against Human Trafficking, said Rhode Island used to have just a handful of brothels. Today there are 28. Donna Hughes, a University of Rhode Island professor studying international sex trafficking told The Providence Journal the state is becoming the sex trafficking capital of the Northeast. While sex trafficking is a federal crime, there are few prosecutions because women are too afraid to testify against the men who forced them into prostitution. ------ Information from: The Providence Journal, http://www.projo.com/ Copyright 2...

Okay, people. When Prince wanted to be known as a random symbol, we understood. When Puff Daddy became Puffy and then P Diddy, we dealt with it. But this has gone TOO FAR!! http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/61803020 Made my name into a porn star! And named an album after it?! And what's with changing names anyway? From now on, I wanna be known as SexyMama1978. With the number. It's my alternate personality that allows me to be... whatever!

In the wake of a discussion with a superior on how I can do better, and amidst the expectatory fever of the days before my "TALK" with the division chief on Wednesday, my mind has clearly come undone and is acting out. Last night, I dreamt that I had a liver tranpsplant. Directly into my right side. There was a bruise, but it was going away. In my dream, I run my fingers over the numb skin of the scar, and muse about the miracles of medicne. The scar is vertical instead of oblique, the way it would be in real life. All this month I was telling my patients: You cannot drink any more. Not even a sip. Not even from someone else's drink. Not even a non alcoholic beer. In my dream, I drink a glass of wine with dinner. First, it's red wine. Then it's a glass of champagne. Then, awash with fear and anxiety, I obssess about it. In cold sweat, tell myself, it's just a little, it won't be bad. (but what if it is) If no one knows, it didn't happen. (but what if I...

Accidents do happen. Take me, for example. I got here by accident. Managed to slide under the door into med school, cruised through residency, pretended to do research... But here is where, I think, they're going to expose me as the fraud that I am. I've been summoned to the principal's office - reasons unknown to me. I've never been "TALKED TO" (imagine air quotes) before. The secretary, instead of encouragement, smiles, embarrassed, and says she has no idea with this meeting is about. Translation: you're about to get reemed... PLUS I'm scheduled to present in front of surgeons and attendings and other fellows while on service. In about 15 mintues. I'm a hivey freaking mess.

Roses are red Violets are blue My house is a jungle And it smells like one, too. Every day I've been walking in and taken aback by the overwhelming smell of lilies, and whatever other tropical flowers... Makes me sneeze - and smile!! Such gorgeous bouquets... I wish I had a bigger house. Thanks, fellas!

My friend Deepa is so cool! Last year she met David Sedaris and he laughed at her dirty humor!! Imagine my excitement when she rang me and suggested I go with her to this year's series - I'd appreciate it more than her husband - and it would be the first time we'd see each other in 5 months! (Goddamned suburbs) I was coming up with witty things to say all day. XXXXX!!! Fail!!! We went up smiling stupidly like little girls about to ask a boy out, and couldn't think of anything better to say than "It was just my birthday." He said, "And how old did you turn?" And we made it a million times worse by answering "How old do you think?" Ugh. Lame-o. We didn't interest Mr Sedaris in the least, not even for 20 seconds. He was so done with us. He signed our books, and even before he was finished he was already looking towards the snaking line for the next [hopefully] more interesting fan. To add insult to injury, when told that I was n...

This picture does not justice to how handsome dad is.

An uppreciated piece of trivia about me is that I know how to properly sear a scallop. I was taught by a chef via casual conversation - but I filed it away, and susequently tried it at home and it worked. Scallops are almost as easy and fast to make as shrimp, and so make for an excellent weeknight dinner with some white wine, maybe steamed veggies, rice... So, courtesy my past acquaintance, here's how I'd do it. Weeknight Properly Seared Scallops 1) The scallops must be purchased from a fish monger - ideally; if this is not possible, ask the guy at the fish counter to make sure that the scallops are "dry," AKA diver's scallops. This means that they are not soaked in any kind of solution prior to retail, as most others are, which takes away from the taste and texture, and alters the way the scallops cook. 2) The pan you use should NOT have a non-stick covering on it. This is because you need a chemical reaction, called the Maillard reaction, to happen when you sea...

What an excellent piece of fluff internet journalism! http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/woman/article1784065.ece First off, what the hell does this have to do with the recession? Is everything now required to be tied to the recession, even sex? Is the only reason to engage in sex these days the fact that we have no money to shop? Secondly, if one sets out to give sexual advice, one should be knowledgeable enough not to start spouting off truistic banalities we've all heard before, the ones that have been stenciled into rubber stamps by Cosmo and Co., are used daily by talk show hosts, and encourage us to be powerful independent females who don't need to smoke. Four secrets of amazing sex?! "Maintain a level of passion with your partner?" That's a secret? "Concentrate on your senses?" And, of course, 5 easy steps to a new you in bed. Achieve orgasmic results, fast. Step 1, overcome your insecurities, forget your jiggly thighs, and you're all set. ...

I'm not wearing one. I HATE Mondays.

This weekend, my BFF finally made an honest man out of her BF. Two weeks ago, she was here for final preparations, and it happened to come out that I tend to cry at weddings. This simple fact caused so much uproar and incredulity, that I was partially offended: why is it so surprising? Is it because I'm such a heartless bi-atch that I am dead inside and nothing gets to me? To show all the people out there who believe that I have no soul, I dedicate this entire post to the wedding. Here we have the beautiful bride-to-be in her gorgeous hotel suite (bigger than her actual living quarters), sporting bridal bunny ears provided by the mother-in-law to be. We had a small gathering of 2 mother hens, 2 regular hens, some little chickens, and 1 gay guy in the hotel the night before - champagne flowed and dirty jokes were made. Right after, I spent the night in bed with the bride, and we spasmed together all night long. Actually, I spasmed - apparently, I have seizures in my sleep - hence, t...

I've said it before, and it remains true, that as soon as I start working, I stop cooking. But a family of two healthy adults can't survive on bologna and cereal, so tough times call for tough measures, and throughout the years, we've discovered more than acceptable substitutes for cooking. I know that plenty of people have the same problem - and takeout pizza does nothing for one's waistline, so, I thought I'd share our non-cooking secrets. Non-Cooking Cooking: Whole Foods rotisserie chicken and mashed potatoes -It costs $10 for the chicken, which is not that much more than to actually buy a chicken and roast it - minus all the trouble and waiting -It's juicy and delicious -It feeds 2 people for 2 days IKEA Rosti -It's a fried potato pancake -takes no time to make whatsoever -You can pile stuff on top (cheese, ham, eggs, spinach, tomatoes, anything you want) and make a large meal out of 2-3 of them IKEA Swedish Meatballs -I don't want it to look like I ...