Hospital surrealism II

I have a patient in the intensive care unit who's in with severe complications of alcoholism and on the brink of death. The ICU doctors told me that when they need to reach his father, the healthcare proxy, they have to call him because he doesn't come in. When they do call him, they have to phone in at a BAR! They call, and the barkeep picks up, just like on the Simpsons, passes the phone, and then they talk to the dad. And he then makes medical decisions.

And for a little scatological humor...

We've got another patient on the brink of death with C. Difficile, a terrible opportunistic infection of the gut. It happens when normal gut flora is wiped out by an antibiotic, and this bacteria overgrows and causes badness in the intestines. He's not responding to treatment. The next step?? STOOL transplant! Yup. They find a willing donor, usually a medical student who hasn't been around hospitals too much, take the... donation... and deliver it via nasogastric tube!!!

I wouldn't believe it if it wasn't true.

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