Thinking about me thinking about you
I'm an egocentric little girl, and I'm the first to admit it. I see the world mainly through Sasha-colored goggles, and tend to assume that everything has something to do with me. While often, it means I get a high from reveling in the sunshine of attention from - well - everyone, it's not always a good thing, as far as my self esteem and well-being go. I'm the type of person that will say, Why is so and so upset, are they mad at me? And then, I'll spend hours worrying about what I did to make it so.
This, along with the fact that I continue to stick to the notion that no one REALLY cares about anyone...
But before I continue. About my theory on caring. I do believe that no one really cares about anyone but themselves, and maybe one or two other people. I've discussed this before, I must have. It's the main dogma on which I pretty much base my entire existential crisis/critical existence. I've had arguments before about this. Kind-hearted folks say, You're wrong, that can't be true, because I care... But I think the problem lies in the definition of "care." I mean, who REALLY cares? By that I mean, who takes your problems personally, seriously, considers them and allows them to alter previous plans, lets your issues affect their lives and emotions? Your parents, and if you're really really lucky, your spouse. Otherwise, sure, people feel fondly, will send you an e-card on your birthday, and wouldn't want you hit by a bus, but do they really CARE? I doubt it. It's ok, it's just how it is. Life would be impossible if we CARED for everyone.
And I'm no exception.
So, I think, my egocentrism, along with the fact that I certainly subscribe to my own theory on caring, is responsible for the fact that I never really get truly all excited about too many things happening to other people - unless, of course, they have to do with me. This sounds absolutely horrible on paper, it does, but again, I mean, "TRULY EXCITED," not just, "oh yay, that's great" excited.
Some examples of when I felt I "CARED:" there was a period of time a few years ago, when hubby was sad because there were a couple of jokers at his workplace who were giving him a hard time, high school style. Move his stuff, tie the sleeves of his jacket together, that sort of thing. And he'd come home and tell me about it, and I would feel totally internally torn up on his behalf.
When I was about 11 years old, and we were complete FOB's, my mom took me to Children's hospital to check a cough. I was waiting for her while she was filling out papers, and I noticed that the nurse or the doctor or somebody rolled their eyes at her when she wasn't looking - probably because she was pretty clueless, and not acting according to what normal patient etiquette would be, such as asking too many questions, or soemthing along those lines. I saw the eye roll - and I felt that internally too. I was kind of enraged, actually, and sent daggers towards the offender.
Incidentally, and interestingly, most experiences that come to mind are associated with negative feelings. Except, see below.
BFF had her baby!! So, not only was I all out of sorts when I knew she was in the hospital (I kept making jokes about how I'd be pacing like a nervous father, except they turned out to contain more than just a grain of truth), now I'm also so freaking excited that I'm showing pictures of her baby to everyone at work, and sometimes, looking at them myself for no reason at all, just because he's so cute. And, I earnestly want to know all the gory details, and not just because it's polite to ask "How are you feeling and how did it go?" when a person has a baby.
And I have a question....
Is this because I "CARE" or is it just because this brings me that much closer to my own baby?
Hmmm.....
This, along with the fact that I continue to stick to the notion that no one REALLY cares about anyone...
But before I continue. About my theory on caring. I do believe that no one really cares about anyone but themselves, and maybe one or two other people. I've discussed this before, I must have. It's the main dogma on which I pretty much base my entire existential crisis/critical existence. I've had arguments before about this. Kind-hearted folks say, You're wrong, that can't be true, because I care... But I think the problem lies in the definition of "care." I mean, who REALLY cares? By that I mean, who takes your problems personally, seriously, considers them and allows them to alter previous plans, lets your issues affect their lives and emotions? Your parents, and if you're really really lucky, your spouse. Otherwise, sure, people feel fondly, will send you an e-card on your birthday, and wouldn't want you hit by a bus, but do they really CARE? I doubt it. It's ok, it's just how it is. Life would be impossible if we CARED for everyone.
And I'm no exception.
So, I think, my egocentrism, along with the fact that I certainly subscribe to my own theory on caring, is responsible for the fact that I never really get truly all excited about too many things happening to other people - unless, of course, they have to do with me. This sounds absolutely horrible on paper, it does, but again, I mean, "TRULY EXCITED," not just, "oh yay, that's great" excited.
Some examples of when I felt I "CARED:" there was a period of time a few years ago, when hubby was sad because there were a couple of jokers at his workplace who were giving him a hard time, high school style. Move his stuff, tie the sleeves of his jacket together, that sort of thing. And he'd come home and tell me about it, and I would feel totally internally torn up on his behalf.
When I was about 11 years old, and we were complete FOB's, my mom took me to Children's hospital to check a cough. I was waiting for her while she was filling out papers, and I noticed that the nurse or the doctor or somebody rolled their eyes at her when she wasn't looking - probably because she was pretty clueless, and not acting according to what normal patient etiquette would be, such as asking too many questions, or soemthing along those lines. I saw the eye roll - and I felt that internally too. I was kind of enraged, actually, and sent daggers towards the offender.
Incidentally, and interestingly, most experiences that come to mind are associated with negative feelings. Except, see below.
BFF had her baby!! So, not only was I all out of sorts when I knew she was in the hospital (I kept making jokes about how I'd be pacing like a nervous father, except they turned out to contain more than just a grain of truth), now I'm also so freaking excited that I'm showing pictures of her baby to everyone at work, and sometimes, looking at them myself for no reason at all, just because he's so cute. And, I earnestly want to know all the gory details, and not just because it's polite to ask "How are you feeling and how did it go?" when a person has a baby.
And I have a question....
Is this because I "CARE" or is it just because this brings me that much closer to my own baby?
Hmmm.....
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