Dumb things people say to pregnant women
I just have to document this, because I've been dealing with it for days, and my patience is about this big (indicating tiny), and my temper is about this long (indicating miniscule). All the dumbass things people do and say to me are just unbelievable.
We'll start with the plain old, "when are you due?" It's harmless by itself. But try answering that same question 10 times a day! July 6th. July 6th. July 6th. Then, I try to change it up: A few weeks. Pretty soon. Not soon enough. Then I try to ignore the question, but they usually repeat it, and I can't be rude, so I start over. July 6th. July 6th. I should have just had a Tshirt made and wear it, or a plaque or something.
"When are you due" is okay, I can handle it. But sometimes, after it, comes some other brilliant comment. Usually, it's "Oh, my god! That's soon!" or "Wow, that;s coming up!"
This is when I cock my head like a cat and look at the person. Like, really?! Really?? Is it??? Is it soon?! I haven't REALIZED! That bowling ball in my pelvis has really given me no clue that the due date IS COMING UP! I usually chuckle politely and roll my eyes after the person turns around in my usual passive aggressive manner.
That's the most standard conversation.
But here are some others:
"Do you know what you're having?" (again, should have had a t shirt made)
"Do you have a name?" not yet "How about.... (insert suggestions here)" (thanks! I haven't been able to pick one, but YOURS are immediately AWESOME!)
(looking me up and down) "It's gonna be soon. You've got the look." (No, I'm just annoyed)
"How are you feeling?" this is a normal question, and I appreciate it, and I'm usually honest, so I say, "Gosh, I'm real tired." Explain, why do people choose to answer with things like: "OH, you think you're tired now, just wait!" OR! "You'll eventually be saying, it was easier to take care of this baby when he was inside, at least he was quiet!" Why is that helpful!?
Okay, those are still pretty standard.
How about this:
dude in the elevator: "Woa, SOMEONE's having a baby!"
patient: " Follow up in 6 months? You won't be here though, you're having a baby, you're not gonna work after cause who's gonna stay with the baby?" (welcome to the 1980s, dude)
nurse: "WOOOA, you really blossomed!" or "WOOOOA, you look ready to pop!"
attending: "That is NOT a maternity shirt. That is just a fat shirt that doesn't fit you." (It's dress, actually. When I was not pregnant, I wore this as a dress, and now it's a shirt, and nothing else fits, so why don't we go ahead and leave me alone!)
another attending: "where are you going?" To pee. "Oh. I guess, as you're an expecting mum, we'll allow it." >stunned silence<
Bob the scope washer just plain made huffing Lamaze noises at me as I was walking down the hall. I mean, seriously!? Really?? Huffing noises? If looks could kill, I tellya, he'd be dead three times over. He must have felt it, because he immediately blubbered, "You must be so excited."
Which is another great one. "You must be SO excited!" No. I'm actually pretty pissed. "Is your husband excited?" No, he's disappointed.
Or also,
(looking at my bosom) "Do you plan to breastfeed?"
(looking at it again)
(and again)
This is when I say, What, with these huge boobs? I hope so! Look at'em, they're huge! Look! They better be good for something!
Then, people get uncomfortable. Serves them right.
So, I was complaining about all this to a friend, and he told me to chill. He said that people can't help their comments. Because I'm a walking advertisement for pregnancy.
Which, I think, is just a more flattering way of saying I'm a Show Cow. And you know me, I love attention, but here's a situation where I feel like everyone is looking at me, and I wish they would stop... Thank god for white coats... Anyway, if I'm a walking advertisement, I'm not a very good one, because I've got a pretty sour look on my face these days. If you can get past the sheen of sweat I have covering my skin most of the time.
Then he compared walking around pregnant to walking through a village in bloody armor carrying a bloody severed head. As in, people are gonna ask about it.
Men, I swear to god.
We'll start with the plain old, "when are you due?" It's harmless by itself. But try answering that same question 10 times a day! July 6th. July 6th. July 6th. Then, I try to change it up: A few weeks. Pretty soon. Not soon enough. Then I try to ignore the question, but they usually repeat it, and I can't be rude, so I start over. July 6th. July 6th. I should have just had a Tshirt made and wear it, or a plaque or something.
"When are you due" is okay, I can handle it. But sometimes, after it, comes some other brilliant comment. Usually, it's "Oh, my god! That's soon!" or "Wow, that;s coming up!"
This is when I cock my head like a cat and look at the person. Like, really?! Really?? Is it??? Is it soon?! I haven't REALIZED! That bowling ball in my pelvis has really given me no clue that the due date IS COMING UP! I usually chuckle politely and roll my eyes after the person turns around in my usual passive aggressive manner.
That's the most standard conversation.
But here are some others:
"Do you know what you're having?" (again, should have had a t shirt made)
"Do you have a name?" not yet "How about.... (insert suggestions here)" (thanks! I haven't been able to pick one, but YOURS are immediately AWESOME!)
(looking me up and down) "It's gonna be soon. You've got the look." (No, I'm just annoyed)
"How are you feeling?" this is a normal question, and I appreciate it, and I'm usually honest, so I say, "Gosh, I'm real tired." Explain, why do people choose to answer with things like: "OH, you think you're tired now, just wait!" OR! "You'll eventually be saying, it was easier to take care of this baby when he was inside, at least he was quiet!" Why is that helpful!?
Okay, those are still pretty standard.
How about this:
dude in the elevator: "Woa, SOMEONE's having a baby!"
patient: " Follow up in 6 months? You won't be here though, you're having a baby, you're not gonna work after cause who's gonna stay with the baby?" (welcome to the 1980s, dude)
nurse: "WOOOA, you really blossomed!" or "WOOOOA, you look ready to pop!"
attending: "That is NOT a maternity shirt. That is just a fat shirt that doesn't fit you." (It's dress, actually. When I was not pregnant, I wore this as a dress, and now it's a shirt, and nothing else fits, so why don't we go ahead and leave me alone!)
another attending: "where are you going?" To pee. "Oh. I guess, as you're an expecting mum, we'll allow it." >stunned silence<
Bob the scope washer just plain made huffing Lamaze noises at me as I was walking down the hall. I mean, seriously!? Really?? Huffing noises? If looks could kill, I tellya, he'd be dead three times over. He must have felt it, because he immediately blubbered, "You must be so excited."
Which is another great one. "You must be SO excited!" No. I'm actually pretty pissed. "Is your husband excited?" No, he's disappointed.
Or also,
(looking at my bosom) "Do you plan to breastfeed?"
(looking at it again)
(and again)
This is when I say, What, with these huge boobs? I hope so! Look at'em, they're huge! Look! They better be good for something!
Then, people get uncomfortable. Serves them right.
So, I was complaining about all this to a friend, and he told me to chill. He said that people can't help their comments. Because I'm a walking advertisement for pregnancy.
Which, I think, is just a more flattering way of saying I'm a Show Cow. And you know me, I love attention, but here's a situation where I feel like everyone is looking at me, and I wish they would stop... Thank god for white coats... Anyway, if I'm a walking advertisement, I'm not a very good one, because I've got a pretty sour look on my face these days. If you can get past the sheen of sweat I have covering my skin most of the time.
Then he compared walking around pregnant to walking through a village in bloody armor carrying a bloody severed head. As in, people are gonna ask about it.
Men, I swear to god.
Comments
Now I just want to hide out at home and not see anyone.
Thanks for the comment on the good doc/nice doc post.
In terms of how I'm doing now, well I'm considering sending Centocor (Division of Ortho that makes Remicaid) a thank you note. Or my first born child. Or something. Seriously, Remicade saved my life. Well, even if not my life, it saved my colon. And now I only have the 90 lbs of prednisone weight to loose. current gi doc is definately a much better doc than the idiot who kept me on prednisone that long.