Really predictable

Call weekend down. I was almost, ALMOST out of the woodwork in terms of any big screw ups, and even foolishly thought to myself, maybe, there is something to be said for being a 3rd year fellow? Less second guessing, more trust and independence... But then, in the nick of time, in the wee hours of the morning, throw a militant ER attending and some in-hospital politics into a caldron, and you have me stewing in my own juices, spiced with some doubt and insecurity... Amazing how that happens, right?

Here's to felines and canines again! My canine self is uselessly chasing her own tail around and around a puddle of spilled milk.

I really wish I was the kind of person that could do what she thinks is best and move on, but I'm not. No matter how I twist.

...

After getting the phone call, and realizing there was going to be an issue, naturally, I couldn't fall back asleep, so I just lay there and fretted. Strangely enough, the first thing I wanted to do, and did, was pick up my baby and cuddle with him for comfort. Like, he is the only one who doesn't think I suck, doesn't harp on things I do wrong, and loves me no matter what. At least, for now.

The weather sucked today too, and honestly, I could have spent the whole day in bed holding Munchkin, but I had to go and leave him at daycare. And at daycare today there was a new little boy - he actually stole the title of "youngest" from Munchkin. I'm not sure how old he is, but he's quite a bit smaller than my baby, and is still at that point in his career where he looks up and around but doesn't quite meet the eye. He was lying in a little Boppy-like thing scanning the surroundings, and occasionally letting out a yelp here and there. Painfully familiar behavior, as we were also just at that point a few weeks ago. And he looked so small and so helpless and so lonely - the teachers were busy changing and feeding 2 other babies - that I felt an immediate stab right into my heart. I wanted to pick him up too and rock him and comfort him. I thought of that poor mother who dropped off this little baby for the first time this morning. And that little puppy of a human being marooned on a Boppy when he needs to be in a warm embrace... I just keep telling myself, it's worse for us than it is for them...

Did I mention the weather? Rain makes me sad sometimes.

This really sucks.

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