Medicinal chalice

Talking about the unfortunate dysfunctional status of the current healthcare system is so en vogue that it's boring, but sadly, it's based on something. The system is broken. Thinking about it induces such intense anxiety in me that I prefer, risking harsh judgement by conscientious others, to live in a little bubble; take care of my little patients as best I can; play by the rules and try the ignore the brewing storm outside. I cannot change the way the system is built on my own. All I know is that playing by the rules gets you very jaded very quickly, very disappointed, and very poor as well.

I spent two days fighting the system while dodging abuse; here I thought residency was the sacrificial lamb in the medical space-time continuum ,where you consciously went in daily expecting abuse, but I was wrong. I'm a big bad attending now, and honestly, I'm experiencing the same shit different pile phenomenon. Overcrowded hospital with unnecessary overly cautious admissions taking up valuable beds and expending resources, while truly sick people get stuck into a corner room and ignored by some yoo hoo until it's too late. Drunks and drug seekers play their cards right and get a warm bed at night and a million dollar workup of nothing for free, while little old ladies can't pay for their colonoscopies.

Every single other service has the right to dump on the internal medicine docs, and because we're the only "real" docs in the hospitall, we take it. and take it. and take it...

The only difference between residency and the real world is that the nurses call me Dr and what I say medically goes.

Which is nice.

But worst of all. I fear I might dumb down myself eventually and instead of a healthy jade and cynicism, become just ignorant and lazy. It's much easier. But also much worse than just living in a bubble.

I raise my water glass filled with post call wine to that NOT happening.