Picking up boys on the T
As most of my stories, this one takes place on the T, as you may have gathered.
I don't like kids. I'm sure that my maternal instincts are intact, just dormant for the moment, and once I actually bite the bullet and have one of my own, I will make an excellently neurotic mother, but for now, I plainly don't like kids. I treat babies with slight distrust and caution, like interesting specimens of an alternative lifeform. Toddlers are something to keep away from my stuff. And I'm downright scared of teenagers because you never know what they might pull.
Imagine my chagrin when I'm sitting on the T, in the morning "zone," and a loud squealing, screaming, chattering dissheveled Aquarium fieldtrip of 30 9-10 year-olds get on! I shrink into the back of my seat, and slowly, without making sudden movements, pull out my iPod and put it on, to block out all the craziness and try to get back into my "zone." I look straight ahead and don't make eye contact.
All of a sudden, one of THEM, a ruddy freckly little boy, is talking to me.
"Is that an iPhone?"
"Huh?" I take out one ear-phone - maybe this won't take long...
"Is that an iPhone?"
"Um, no it's an iTouch. They're a little different." I hold it up to the light. "it's thinner."
"Oh, my GOD, those are so cool! I wanted to get one for my mom, but my dad didn't let me!"
"Well, they're very expensive."
"Yeah, but they're so cool!"
I nod in agreement. They ARE cool.
"I got mine for my birthday."
"Does it play videos?"
"It does. Wanna see?"
"Can I see?"
We're totally on the same wavelength.
So I'm frantically scrolling through my videos - is there anything wholesome there I can show this little kid? I've got the Onion, Youtube... Finally, I randomly picked out daily tips from Epicurious - and showed the kid how an expert chef trusses a turkey.
"Wow, the resolution on that is awesome!" Says the kid. "what are you listening to?"
"The Shins."
"How many Gs?"
"I... I don't know... Eight?"
"Check the back!"
I check the back.
"Eight!"
"Cool!" (turns to his friends) "This lady got an iTouch!" They all look at me, evaluatively, mostly checking out the sleek chrome palm-sized impresionado in my lap.
I put the ear phone back in, feeling a little exposed.
Then it's time for them to get off the T, and he's ushered out along with his friends by a teacher.
He turns back to look at me - and my toy - one last time, and waves, bye! I wave back - bye, mysterious stranger!
Well! Aside from the obvious slap in the face of being called "this lady," I now know that even though I don't like babies or teenagers, I can totally relate to and certainly carry on a sensible conversation with a nine-year-old. That's comforting.
I don't like kids. I'm sure that my maternal instincts are intact, just dormant for the moment, and once I actually bite the bullet and have one of my own, I will make an excellently neurotic mother, but for now, I plainly don't like kids. I treat babies with slight distrust and caution, like interesting specimens of an alternative lifeform. Toddlers are something to keep away from my stuff. And I'm downright scared of teenagers because you never know what they might pull.
Imagine my chagrin when I'm sitting on the T, in the morning "zone," and a loud squealing, screaming, chattering dissheveled Aquarium fieldtrip of 30 9-10 year-olds get on! I shrink into the back of my seat, and slowly, without making sudden movements, pull out my iPod and put it on, to block out all the craziness and try to get back into my "zone." I look straight ahead and don't make eye contact.
All of a sudden, one of THEM, a ruddy freckly little boy, is talking to me.
"Is that an iPhone?"
"Huh?" I take out one ear-phone - maybe this won't take long...
"Is that an iPhone?"
"Um, no it's an iTouch. They're a little different." I hold it up to the light. "it's thinner."
"Oh, my GOD, those are so cool! I wanted to get one for my mom, but my dad didn't let me!"
"Well, they're very expensive."
"Yeah, but they're so cool!"
I nod in agreement. They ARE cool.
"I got mine for my birthday."
"Does it play videos?"
"It does. Wanna see?"
"Can I see?"
We're totally on the same wavelength.
So I'm frantically scrolling through my videos - is there anything wholesome there I can show this little kid? I've got the Onion, Youtube... Finally, I randomly picked out daily tips from Epicurious - and showed the kid how an expert chef trusses a turkey.
"Wow, the resolution on that is awesome!" Says the kid. "what are you listening to?"
"The Shins."
"How many Gs?"
"I... I don't know... Eight?"
"Check the back!"
I check the back.
"Eight!"
"Cool!" (turns to his friends) "This lady got an iTouch!" They all look at me, evaluatively, mostly checking out the sleek chrome palm-sized impresionado in my lap.
I put the ear phone back in, feeling a little exposed.
Then it's time for them to get off the T, and he's ushered out along with his friends by a teacher.
He turns back to look at me - and my toy - one last time, and waves, bye! I wave back - bye, mysterious stranger!
Well! Aside from the obvious slap in the face of being called "this lady," I now know that even though I don't like babies or teenagers, I can totally relate to and certainly carry on a sensible conversation with a nine-year-old. That's comforting.
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