Useless
We got iPhones!! That is exciting news! So exciting, that, apparently, it's worth posting on the blog; although, I'm starting with this to make a bigger deeper point. We got iPhones, and I'm kinda sad. Don't get me wrong, I've been coveting this toy for a very long time, dropping passive aggressive hints at home left and right. I've always been met with basically a stone wall. Recently, though, something changed; life has been rough to us, plus, we got a small inheritance of about $340 to be spent as we wish. And by inheritance, I mean it's a reimbursement for moneys already rendered for hubby's trip to the Dominican ER, which we consider sunk cost. (Did I not write about that? For shame.) Thus, we decided to upgrade ourselves to the ultimate.
Except that now I'm kinda sad.
You see, I had an iTouch before, for almost 2 years, and it's never done me any wrong! We had a great time together, and now it lies forgotten, tossed aside, next to the landline phone I never use... I feel a pang and squeeze in my heart when my eyes fall on it. Also, my cellphone, a Razr, it's also never done anything bad to me, and now, it's been discarded as well. Not to mention that Sprint and I go way way back, like to 2000, when I first started medical school! Sure, we've had our ups and downs, but all in all, it's been a good run.
I feel like I've broken up with a boyfriend, changed jobs, and moved apartments all at once, without warning, and at the expense of someone else. And we all know how I handle change!! NOT well...
Oh, and by the way. I'm getting pretty bored with the absence of my period. I finally tracked someone down to talk about it last week, and the nurse was just as incredulous as I, which is always highly encouraging. They sent me for labs, after which my body, probably shaken into submission by the sight of a needle, earnestly attempted to produce a period, but only succeeded in (edited due to highly physiological nature), lasting about 2 hours. The nice thing is, this was followed by a harmonious deflation of both my giant weapon breasts and my baskeball belly, typically present during the last week of the cycle or so.
But because I got prematurely excited, "ooh, ooh, this is day one!!" I called the office and told them that I thought mother nature had visited, and they happily congratulated me and advised I call back on day two to have the ultrasound. Except that day two never happened. So, after another week of languishing and boredom, I called again.
The nurse again was incredulous. And upset. At me. For ? poor follow up?
"You should have gone for labs!" she said in an accusatory fashion.
"I did," I replied. Then explained how I thought my body was scared of needles and surrendered after the labs, except not really, its fingers were crossed, and in the end there was nothing. I also reminded her that I spoke to someone about this every step of the way.
"But your labs should have been reviewed with the doctors!" She exclaimed.
At this point, I'm like, listen up lady!! Groan!!
"Well," I said, in the firmest tone I have available "I was assuming that they were." I held a pregnant (haha I kill me) pause.
"I reviewed them," I said, "So I can tell you what they were..." another pregnant pause.
"So, uh. Does the doctor ever call, or is always nurses?" I asked.
Without batting an eyelash (I imagine) the nurse said, "Only if it's something really bad."
Oh good.
Am I overreacting?
Anyway, the bottom line here, reproductively speaking, is that apparently, Clomid caused me to have a basically non-existent uterine lining. I know! Whoda thunk that with these boobs, the lining could be deficient. But, alas! it's a known side effect of Clomid. This can affect implantation, which might be the reason that I'm still not pregnant despite my husband being "as fertile as the Nile Delta," (I dind't make that up, that's what his doctor wrote on the sperm analysis results that he sent us in the mail. With a happy face.), and despite having at least 3 very good looking follicles (why, thank ya) at each IUI. It's also the reason that hormonally, I might look just like someone who's about to get their period one day, and then someone who's working at the egg factory the next day with naught but some pink
haziness inbetween. IE no lining, no shedding, no bleeding.
Now, they're talking about the fact that I'm probably careening carelessly down the NEXT cycle already, probably somewheres around ovulation time, actually, so I missed this cycle in terms of drugs; "but if you want, we can still monitor you," she said. MONITOR me? You mean, as you've been doing? Letting me slip through your asscrack? Forgetting that I speak English?
Fine, yea, I guess so, that sounds good, sure.
So, ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow. "To know where we're at." who's this WE, I wonder?! Also, ovulation tracker kit needs to be purchased as well.
"Well, at least that makes sense," I told the nurse. "I had no idea what was going on!"
"Most of the time, neither do we," she said. We both laughed.
Except it's not really all that funny.
You know, I think I might stop fertility treatments altogether. I really do think we're just not doing it right. We don't need drugs. We need more sex, and at the right time. WITH uterine lining, which means WITHOUT drugs. I'm starting to fear iatrogenesis. And also, they're really pissing me off at Fruitless and Fabulous.
Except that now I'm kinda sad.
You see, I had an iTouch before, for almost 2 years, and it's never done me any wrong! We had a great time together, and now it lies forgotten, tossed aside, next to the landline phone I never use... I feel a pang and squeeze in my heart when my eyes fall on it. Also, my cellphone, a Razr, it's also never done anything bad to me, and now, it's been discarded as well. Not to mention that Sprint and I go way way back, like to 2000, when I first started medical school! Sure, we've had our ups and downs, but all in all, it's been a good run.
I feel like I've broken up with a boyfriend, changed jobs, and moved apartments all at once, without warning, and at the expense of someone else. And we all know how I handle change!! NOT well...
Oh, and by the way. I'm getting pretty bored with the absence of my period. I finally tracked someone down to talk about it last week, and the nurse was just as incredulous as I, which is always highly encouraging. They sent me for labs, after which my body, probably shaken into submission by the sight of a needle, earnestly attempted to produce a period, but only succeeded in (edited due to highly physiological nature), lasting about 2 hours. The nice thing is, this was followed by a harmonious deflation of both my giant weapon breasts and my baskeball belly, typically present during the last week of the cycle or so.
But because I got prematurely excited, "ooh, ooh, this is day one!!" I called the office and told them that I thought mother nature had visited, and they happily congratulated me and advised I call back on day two to have the ultrasound. Except that day two never happened. So, after another week of languishing and boredom, I called again.
The nurse again was incredulous. And upset. At me. For ? poor follow up?
"You should have gone for labs!" she said in an accusatory fashion.
"I did," I replied. Then explained how I thought my body was scared of needles and surrendered after the labs, except not really, its fingers were crossed, and in the end there was nothing. I also reminded her that I spoke to someone about this every step of the way.
"But your labs should have been reviewed with the doctors!" She exclaimed.
At this point, I'm like, listen up lady!! Groan!!
"Well," I said, in the firmest tone I have available "I was assuming that they were." I held a pregnant (haha I kill me) pause.
"I reviewed them," I said, "So I can tell you what they were..." another pregnant pause.
"So, uh. Does the doctor ever call, or is always nurses?" I asked.
Without batting an eyelash (I imagine) the nurse said, "Only if it's something really bad."
Oh good.
Am I overreacting?
Anyway, the bottom line here, reproductively speaking, is that apparently, Clomid caused me to have a basically non-existent uterine lining. I know! Whoda thunk that with these boobs, the lining could be deficient. But, alas! it's a known side effect of Clomid. This can affect implantation, which might be the reason that I'm still not pregnant despite my husband being "as fertile as the Nile Delta," (I dind't make that up, that's what his doctor wrote on the sperm analysis results that he sent us in the mail. With a happy face.), and despite having at least 3 very good looking follicles (why, thank ya) at each IUI. It's also the reason that hormonally, I might look just like someone who's about to get their period one day, and then someone who's working at the egg factory the next day with naught but some pink
haziness inbetween. IE no lining, no shedding, no bleeding.Now, they're talking about the fact that I'm probably careening carelessly down the NEXT cycle already, probably somewheres around ovulation time, actually, so I missed this cycle in terms of drugs; "but if you want, we can still monitor you," she said. MONITOR me? You mean, as you've been doing? Letting me slip through your asscrack? Forgetting that I speak English?
Fine, yea, I guess so, that sounds good, sure.
So, ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow. "To know where we're at." who's this WE, I wonder?! Also, ovulation tracker kit needs to be purchased as well.
"Well, at least that makes sense," I told the nurse. "I had no idea what was going on!"
"Most of the time, neither do we," she said. We both laughed.
Except it's not really all that funny.
You know, I think I might stop fertility treatments altogether. I really do think we're just not doing it right. We don't need drugs. We need more sex, and at the right time. WITH uterine lining, which means WITHOUT drugs. I'm starting to fear iatrogenesis. And also, they're really pissing me off at Fruitless and Fabulous.
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