Regression
I don't know what the hell is going on, but today, I wanted to kick my patients out of their beds and crawl in myself. What do you people know about GI distress!! In fact, I sort of did that: I actively searched and found the call rooms at the hospital where I rotate currently, cracked the secret code to get in (it's written on the door) and passed out for about 2 hours while not busy. And when I say "passed out," I mean, I don't even remember how I ended up sockless and sweaterless in the bed, or how long I spent there, exactly.
It's been awful all day!
As a reasonable physician, I'm a lumper, and hate to give two unrelated diagnoses, so I was trying to lump my whiplash and recent car accident and this horrendous GI distress I'm having into one entity, but I'm starting to have trouble doing that.
My intestines are rather delicate, plus I ate all that seafood yesterday - oh, btw, I was supposed to finish it for lunch, but Blueberry saved me from a sure death by seafood firing squad, because able to sniff out yumminess even through a non-biodegradable Styrofoam container, he knocked that shit over off the kitchen counter onto the floor, and then crouched over the seafood explosion on the floor, and feasted, like Nosferatu - this is probably IBS exacerbated by shrimp, scallops and dubious shellfish. Or it could be food poisoning exacerbated by IBS.
I was walking around diaphoretic, intermittently double over with cramps, dizzy and myalgic all day, and at one point, I thought, as I wrapped my wool sweater, white coat and extra blanket from the warmer around me, if I don't lie down somewhere right now, I will fall over. (that was when I went in search of the callroom)
I finally gulped down some Advil (I have stock in the company, I use it for everything, bleeding ulcers be damned.). The chills and myalgias went away, but now they came back with a vengeance. The Advil must have worn off.
As soon I got home, I cried that I wanted my mommy, and called her, asking what I should do for this abdominal pain and these runs.
Go ahead. Ponder the rich irony of what I just said. I'll wait.
Don't get it?
I'll explain.
I'm a gastroenterologist.
Now do you get it?
It's been awful all day!
As a reasonable physician, I'm a lumper, and hate to give two unrelated diagnoses, so I was trying to lump my whiplash and recent car accident and this horrendous GI distress I'm having into one entity, but I'm starting to have trouble doing that.
My intestines are rather delicate, plus I ate all that seafood yesterday - oh, btw, I was supposed to finish it for lunch, but Blueberry saved me from a sure death by seafood firing squad, because able to sniff out yumminess even through a non-biodegradable Styrofoam container, he knocked that shit over off the kitchen counter onto the floor, and then crouched over the seafood explosion on the floor, and feasted, like Nosferatu - this is probably IBS exacerbated by shrimp, scallops and dubious shellfish. Or it could be food poisoning exacerbated by IBS.
I was walking around diaphoretic, intermittently double over with cramps, dizzy and myalgic all day, and at one point, I thought, as I wrapped my wool sweater, white coat and extra blanket from the warmer around me, if I don't lie down somewhere right now, I will fall over. (that was when I went in search of the callroom)
I finally gulped down some Advil (I have stock in the company, I use it for everything, bleeding ulcers be damned.). The chills and myalgias went away, but now they came back with a vengeance. The Advil must have worn off.
As soon I got home, I cried that I wanted my mommy, and called her, asking what I should do for this abdominal pain and these runs.
Go ahead. Ponder the rich irony of what I just said. I'll wait.
Don't get it?
I'll explain.
I'm a gastroenterologist.
Now do you get it?
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