Liver is thicker than water
Today, my education experience consisted of a morning in transplant clinic. One patient, a 36 year old man had a living related donor transplant, from his sister. That means his sister had a chunk of her liver removed and engrafted into the patient.
I thought, wow, now that's selflessness. Then I thought, but he's her brother!
What would I do in her situation? Truth is, I don't know.
I grew up as an only child in my household. It's not fair to say that I don't have any siblings, because I do, 1 half-sister, 1 half-brother, and 1 step-brother, from previous-slash-second marriages, none of whom ever lived with me. And actually, out of the people of my "generation," ie, generation 0.5 Russian immigrants, I only know a handful who have siblings. One of my friends had 2 siblings, and that was unheard of. Her mother had special privileges as a "Hero-mother." My bff has a brother, and their relationship is too complicated to understand. Hubby has a brother close to him in age; he says they've gotten closer since he moved to the USA than when they both lived in Spain.
None of my friends have coherent sibling children yet, so I can't conduct child development observations, and sociological experiments. I do know a guy who has 4 children. He's older than I, and most of my friends, and his life is in a slightly different phase, so the stories he tells about his kids are somewhat different from the struggles I keep hearing about from my friends who've had babies. Shall we say, his are more encouraging?
Anyway, this is not about parenthood. It's about siblinghood. I'd listen to how one daughter did this and that for her older brother's birthday, and another did the other one's chores, and they'd color together etc, and I'd think, I just have absolutely no idea what that's like.
What's it like to have another whole person - or three! - living in the same home as you? Do you compete for your parents' attention, or do you share it? Do the parents have to include everyone all the time, or do they ever spend time alone with one kid, and how does the other kid react? Do you compete in general? When your brother succeeds, are you happy for him or do you feel jealous, inadequate, competitive? Is it like having an instant friend, or do you feel forced to hang out together? When one gets into trouble or a fight with your parents, do you feel uncomfortable? How do you act when one of you is punished? When they're gone, do you miss them viscerally? Do you worry when something is wrong? How is it to get each other to do things for you? Is it weird to watch each other grow up?
I suspect the answer to my questions may paradoxically be yes, and yes, and yes, and yes to all options.
Anyway, I'll never know, and it's not the kind of thing you can experience vicariously. Your friend who's "like a sister" isn't really a sister...
I thought, wow, now that's selflessness. Then I thought, but he's her brother!
What would I do in her situation? Truth is, I don't know.
I grew up as an only child in my household. It's not fair to say that I don't have any siblings, because I do, 1 half-sister, 1 half-brother, and 1 step-brother, from previous-slash-second marriages, none of whom ever lived with me. And actually, out of the people of my "generation," ie, generation 0.5 Russian immigrants, I only know a handful who have siblings. One of my friends had 2 siblings, and that was unheard of. Her mother had special privileges as a "Hero-mother." My bff has a brother, and their relationship is too complicated to understand. Hubby has a brother close to him in age; he says they've gotten closer since he moved to the USA than when they both lived in Spain.
None of my friends have coherent sibling children yet, so I can't conduct child development observations, and sociological experiments. I do know a guy who has 4 children. He's older than I, and most of my friends, and his life is in a slightly different phase, so the stories he tells about his kids are somewhat different from the struggles I keep hearing about from my friends who've had babies. Shall we say, his are more encouraging?
Anyway, this is not about parenthood. It's about siblinghood. I'd listen to how one daughter did this and that for her older brother's birthday, and another did the other one's chores, and they'd color together etc, and I'd think, I just have absolutely no idea what that's like.
What's it like to have another whole person - or three! - living in the same home as you? Do you compete for your parents' attention, or do you share it? Do the parents have to include everyone all the time, or do they ever spend time alone with one kid, and how does the other kid react? Do you compete in general? When your brother succeeds, are you happy for him or do you feel jealous, inadequate, competitive? Is it like having an instant friend, or do you feel forced to hang out together? When one gets into trouble or a fight with your parents, do you feel uncomfortable? How do you act when one of you is punished? When they're gone, do you miss them viscerally? Do you worry when something is wrong? How is it to get each other to do things for you? Is it weird to watch each other grow up?
I suspect the answer to my questions may paradoxically be yes, and yes, and yes, and yes to all options.
Anyway, I'll never know, and it's not the kind of thing you can experience vicariously. Your friend who's "like a sister" isn't really a sister...
Comments
I guess my opinion on sibling relations is that i wouldn't want to have it any other way. Well maybe the only thing I'd change is the age difference. I look at my nieces (3 years difference) and they are attached at the hip. Although I feel bad for the younger one since I'm sure the older one will not want to hand out as much when she becomes a teen. Yet I'm sure their in the long run they'll be grateful to have each other.
That's my two cence. :)