Non-pregnant conversations II: progression of events
January, 2005:
MY NP: healthy healthy healthy! (snaps off gloves) now, what about babies?
ME: I'm only 26!
MY NP: you should really think about it!
ME: I'm a medical resident with no money!
MY NP: Pregnancy decreases your chances of breast cancer!
ME: !@$#%@!
June, 2007:
HUSBAND: let's just tell our parents we're never having babies.
ME: What?! Why?!
HUSBAND: I don't want to be an old dad.
ME: You're taking babies off the table?!
HUSBAND: I just don't think you'll ever be ready.
ME: @!#$#%
December, 2007:
MY M-I-L: Babies come from PARIS!! (pokes me in belly)
ME: your son had a cold, and I had my period.
MY M-I-L: Let's see if you did anything weird in PARIS!! (wink wink)
ME: Like what?
MY M-I-L: babies bring so much joy!
ME: (looks desperately for husband) !@$!@$!!
March, 2008:
180 degrees
June, 2008:
January, 2009:
TECH: Hey, Sasha. Question.
ME: ?
TECH: Are you pregnant?
ME: No. Why?
TECH: Because you're always hungry!
ME: I'm hungry because I get up at 5:30, mostly.
February:
ME: (sits down in a changing room with feet up, shuts curtain, and closes eyes)
NURSE 1: (loud whisper) who's in there?
NURSE 2: (louder whisper) Sasha
NURSE 1: (loud whisper) why?
NURSE 2: (louder whisper) I don't know
NURSE 1: (loud whisper) Is she pregnant?
ME: I hear you! I have a migraine, I am not pregnant.
March:
OLD FRIEND 1: Oh, my god, it's been so long!
OLD FRIEND 2: Yeah, we were all saying where did Sasha go?
OLD FRIEND 1: Yeah, we were all like, is she pregnant?
OLD FRIEND 2: I said, yea, she MUST be pregnant!
ME: no, not pregnant, just really busy...
April:
ME: Can you hang on a sec, I really gotta run and pee...
NURSE: (gasp) are you pregnant?
ME: Why?
NURSE: (shrug)
ME: Am I getting fat?
NURSE: No, you've just got that glow.
ME: I'm just really pretty, that's why I glow.
NURSE: haha
ME: Actually, I can't get pregnant, apparently, so, no. Please pass it on.
NURSE: (makes uncomfortable face) yeesh. I have four!
ME: @#$%#@!!!
May:
FRENEMY: (accepting congratulations on new baby) So, are you planning to have kids?
ME: Well, I'm getting fertility treatment, so yeah, planning.
FRENEMY: are you going to have like, eight? oh, and are you going to choose the sex, or is that like only in mainland china?
ME: I don't think I'm someone who'd seem like they'd have eight, and I don't think that the selection for sex really works but I don't really care what comes out of me, so long as it's healthy and it's no more than two of it
FRENEMY: Well. Good luck with that.
ME: @!#&^@^#*%!@!#@ !!!
MY NP: healthy healthy healthy! (snaps off gloves) now, what about babies?
ME: I'm only 26!
MY NP: you should really think about it!
ME: I'm a medical resident with no money!
MY NP: Pregnancy decreases your chances of breast cancer!
ME: !@$#%@!
June, 2007:
HUSBAND: let's just tell our parents we're never having babies.
ME: What?! Why?!
HUSBAND: I don't want to be an old dad.
ME: You're taking babies off the table?!
HUSBAND: I just don't think you'll ever be ready.
ME: @!#$#%
December, 2007:
MY M-I-L: Babies come from PARIS!! (pokes me in belly)
ME: your son had a cold, and I had my period.
MY M-I-L: Let's see if you did anything weird in PARIS!! (wink wink)
ME: Like what?
MY M-I-L: babies bring so much joy!
ME: (looks desperately for husband) !@$!@$!!
March, 2008:
180 degrees
June, 2008:
January, 2009:
TECH: Hey, Sasha. Question.
ME: ?
TECH: Are you pregnant?
ME: No. Why?
TECH: Because you're always hungry!
ME: I'm hungry because I get up at 5:30, mostly.
February:
ME: (sits down in a changing room with feet up, shuts curtain, and closes eyes)
NURSE 1: (loud whisper) who's in there?
NURSE 2: (louder whisper) Sasha
NURSE 1: (loud whisper) why?
NURSE 2: (louder whisper) I don't know
NURSE 1: (loud whisper) Is she pregnant?
ME: I hear you! I have a migraine, I am not pregnant.
March:
OLD FRIEND 1: Oh, my god, it's been so long!
OLD FRIEND 2: Yeah, we were all saying where did Sasha go?
OLD FRIEND 1: Yeah, we were all like, is she pregnant?
OLD FRIEND 2: I said, yea, she MUST be pregnant!
ME: no, not pregnant, just really busy...
April:
ME: Can you hang on a sec, I really gotta run and pee...
NURSE: (gasp) are you pregnant?
ME: Why?
NURSE: (shrug)
ME: Am I getting fat?
NURSE: No, you've just got that glow.
ME: I'm just really pretty, that's why I glow.
NURSE: haha
ME: Actually, I can't get pregnant, apparently, so, no. Please pass it on.
NURSE: (makes uncomfortable face) yeesh. I have four!
ME: @#$%#@!!!
May:
FRENEMY: (accepting congratulations on new baby) So, are you planning to have kids?
ME: Well, I'm getting fertility treatment, so yeah, planning.
FRENEMY: are you going to have like, eight? oh, and are you going to choose the sex, or is that like only in mainland china?
ME: I don't think I'm someone who'd seem like they'd have eight, and I don't think that the selection for sex really works but I don't really care what comes out of me, so long as it's healthy and it's no more than two of it
FRENEMY: Well. Good luck with that.
ME: @!#&^@^#*%!@!#@ !!!
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