Easy to interpret
For a while now my family has been first hinting, then suggesting, then ordering and then blackmailing me, to the effect that I need to find a shrink to talk my troubles away. Dear loved ones, I offer you this in my defense.
I had a nightmare last night. I know it was a nightmare because I woke up shaky, and after a few seconds, when I realized that I was awake, I felt great relief.
I dreamt that I was still working at my other hospital, where I was a resident. I dreamt that I was sleeping the best sleep ever. Then, I woke up, and took a leisurely shower, did my hair in front of the mirror, put on make up. Then I glanced at the clock, and realized it was 2:30 in the afternoon.
A painfully familiar rush of cold anxiety washed over me. Because it was a dream, though, the intensity of it reached metaphysical proportions. My heart in my throat and my entrails on the floor... I was supposed to be somewhere! I missed the whole workday!
What's the point of hurrying in now when all the patients they had scheduled for me probably already left?
Why haven't they been trying to page me?!
I grabbed my pager; to my dismay and horror, it had several blinking triangles: pages I haven't looked at. Interestingly enough, they were real phone numbers, except from this, my current, hospital. On the other hand, the place where I was supposed to be and wasn't, belonged uniquely to my last hospital: Cards clinic! Renal clinic! They schedule patients just for residents! (I haven't been a resident in 2 years!)
My hands were cold and shaking; I could see my nails were blue as I held the wretched pager, with the spinach green screen. I considered calling back some of the numbers. One of them had just come through, about 20 minutes before I looked, I could still pretend like I was returning the page in time. Then, I imagined trying to explain myself, and put the pager down.
I needed a second opinion.
I went downstairs to visit a neighbor. At this point, it became clear in the dream that I was still living in my old apartment in Boston. The neighbor was a co-resident, Kato, who never lived anywhere near me. We were barely even friends in real life. In the dream, I told him the story and asked if he thought it was worth it to go in to work - and he told me to go. He said, "To be honest, it won't take you long to get there, and you'll do an hour of work... I would go. " This was not what I wanted to hear, plus, some visitors came over that I didn't feel like socializing with, so I left.
I began to freak out and pace.
Hubby got home. Panicking, I told him what happened. Also, all my concerns about the situation poured forth: why am I always screwing up? They already hate me, and this is just another thing! Finally, it's been discovered that I am incompetent in so many ways! (Most of these feelings are the pleasant side effect of THIS year)
He's a Spaniard. Nothing is a big deal: "No pasa nada!" We sat there and tried to come up with an appropriate lie to tell my chief as a reason for not showing up to work. We came up with several concrete examples: I was stuck in traffic, and my cell phone was dead. That won't work! I already visited Kato! There was a family emergency! again, won't work. I was never supposed to work today! This might work, or at least, it'll definitely muddle the picture.
Now, it suddenly dawned on me. I should check IF I had to work at all! (somehow, the pages I got from cards clinic from earlier suddenly didn't matter). I log into a scheduling system - active in my current hospital ....
The dream ends here, in a blood curdling cliffhanger.
Now you tell me, do I really need a shrink to analyze me when a five-year-old child could write an essay on the psychological patterns of this dream?
I had a nightmare last night. I know it was a nightmare because I woke up shaky, and after a few seconds, when I realized that I was awake, I felt great relief.
I dreamt that I was still working at my other hospital, where I was a resident. I dreamt that I was sleeping the best sleep ever. Then, I woke up, and took a leisurely shower, did my hair in front of the mirror, put on make up. Then I glanced at the clock, and realized it was 2:30 in the afternoon.
A painfully familiar rush of cold anxiety washed over me. Because it was a dream, though, the intensity of it reached metaphysical proportions. My heart in my throat and my entrails on the floor... I was supposed to be somewhere! I missed the whole workday!
What's the point of hurrying in now when all the patients they had scheduled for me probably already left?
Why haven't they been trying to page me?!
I grabbed my pager; to my dismay and horror, it had several blinking triangles: pages I haven't looked at. Interestingly enough, they were real phone numbers, except from this, my current, hospital. On the other hand, the place where I was supposed to be and wasn't, belonged uniquely to my last hospital: Cards clinic! Renal clinic! They schedule patients just for residents! (I haven't been a resident in 2 years!)
My hands were cold and shaking; I could see my nails were blue as I held the wretched pager, with the spinach green screen. I considered calling back some of the numbers. One of them had just come through, about 20 minutes before I looked, I could still pretend like I was returning the page in time. Then, I imagined trying to explain myself, and put the pager down.
I needed a second opinion.
I went downstairs to visit a neighbor. At this point, it became clear in the dream that I was still living in my old apartment in Boston. The neighbor was a co-resident, Kato, who never lived anywhere near me. We were barely even friends in real life. In the dream, I told him the story and asked if he thought it was worth it to go in to work - and he told me to go. He said, "To be honest, it won't take you long to get there, and you'll do an hour of work... I would go. " This was not what I wanted to hear, plus, some visitors came over that I didn't feel like socializing with, so I left.
I began to freak out and pace.
Hubby got home. Panicking, I told him what happened. Also, all my concerns about the situation poured forth: why am I always screwing up? They already hate me, and this is just another thing! Finally, it's been discovered that I am incompetent in so many ways! (Most of these feelings are the pleasant side effect of THIS year)
He's a Spaniard. Nothing is a big deal: "No pasa nada!" We sat there and tried to come up with an appropriate lie to tell my chief as a reason for not showing up to work. We came up with several concrete examples: I was stuck in traffic, and my cell phone was dead. That won't work! I already visited Kato! There was a family emergency! again, won't work. I was never supposed to work today! This might work, or at least, it'll definitely muddle the picture.
Now, it suddenly dawned on me. I should check IF I had to work at all! (somehow, the pages I got from cards clinic from earlier suddenly didn't matter). I log into a scheduling system - active in my current hospital ....
The dream ends here, in a blood curdling cliffhanger.
Now you tell me, do I really need a shrink to analyze me when a five-year-old child could write an essay on the psychological patterns of this dream?
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